Unquestionably the funniest moment of Hard Knocks on Tuesday night came from Jaxson Dart and Theo Johnson being geographically challenged and needing to get everything set straight by offensive coordinator Tim Kelly — who somehow also found a way to be wrong.
What began as a conversation about where the breeze came from, quickly gave way to a debate about the Atlantic Ocean, where the Atlantic Ocean was relative to the Giants’ practice field — and Dart being amazed by the whole thing. Initially he was shook by the idea that the wind wasn’t coming from a canyon, but then got disoriented about where the ocean was relative to their location.
It’s here that Kelly interjected, telling the two to “look at a f***ing map,” but that made everything much more confusing by saying that the Atlantic Ocean was two miles from East Rutherford. It’s here that Theo Johnson seemingly made the most sense by saying “it’s a river,” (correctly) referring to the Hackensack River.
At this point I went too far down the rabbit hole. Sure, everyone is poking fun at Dart and Johnson for being confused about the Atlantic, but Tim Kelly has so much more to answer for here. He asserted that “on the other side of those buildings there’s nothing but blue water,” indicating that the Atlantic Ocean was right there, but it’s absolutely not — and I can’t for the life of me work out what the heck Kelly is taking about.
There is no place that’s “nothing but blue water” no matter which direction you go two miles from the training facility. There are two man-made holding pools, but they aren’t past any buildings. I’m not sure he meant past the stadium either, which gives you a significant view of the Hackensack. The only thing I can think is that he was talking about the Park Hotel and the Meadowlands Toll Plaza, but once again: This is the Hackensack River, not the Atlantic Ocean. You also have no way of seeing around the bend into Raritan Bay, which could be classified as the Atlantic Ocean.
The absolute shortest measurable distance from the training facility to anything that could be classified as “The Atlantic Ocean” is 24 miles south-by-southeast of the practice field. Not two miles. It’s also not visible.
I’m team Dart/Johnson on this one.
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