effete (adj) – having lost forcefulness, courage, or spirit
It was a great day for Miami Dolphins fans around the world.
Thanks to the Kansas City Chiefs’ backups rallying from behind to secure a Week 18 win over the Denver Broncos coupled with the Dolphins easily taking care of business against a weak New York Jets team on the road, Miami is heading to the playoffs for the third season in a row!
The reward for such a showing was immediately bestowed upon those in charge as Stephen Ross announced that both General Manager Chris Grier and Head Coach Mike McDaniel would return for the 2025 season.
Tua Tagovailoa, who went for over 300 yards and 4 touchdowns in the contest, was seen skipping hand-in-hand with star wideout and all around happy guy Tyreek Hill (10 recs, 122 yds, 2 TDs) all around the team facility.
Then my mushrooms wore off and as my face stopped melting, my brain started to.
This felt a lot like last week
Against the Browns, Miami trotted out backup quarterback Tyler Huntley along with a myriad of other reserves due to abundant injuries. That story was much the same against the Jets, with Huntley again back under center, Tyrell Dodson at linebacker, Storm Duck at corner, and Kendall Lamm somewhere along the offensive line.
As with Cleveland, the Dolphins’ opponent had more losses than wins to go with a fairly anemic offense and the Fins needed a win in order to stay in playoff contention.
It all seemed very familiar. That gave me a tinge of hope since the last time all of those elements were in play, the team did well and dominated the Browns.
As this game went along, there were even more similarities: Dodson nabbed an interception (giving him 3 on the year despite only playing in a handful of games). Then Jake Bailey punted like garbage and, even though that looks bad on paper, I took comfort in the consistency. MM got in on the action too by tossing out another obviously doomed challenge and I knew they were in business.
Alas.
Despite the parallels, the game against the Jets didn’t turn out the same as its predecessor. The Fins would fall 32-20 to the soon-to-be-Rex-Ryan-led-again jumbos, turning the clock back for Aaron Rodgers to a degree not seen since the last time he played Miami.
Why the change from Week 17? What was so different this time around?
Tyler Huntley played much worse
Oh yeah. For one, Huntley played like hell. He was rolling in Cleveland to the point that fans were looking to him as the surefire QB2 for next season. Based on his performance in New York, he may just be sure fired instead.
Huntley went 25/41 for 227 yds, 1 TD, 2 INTs, and four (4!) fumbles, though he only lost one.
His escapability and play extension-ism was M.I.A. as he added only 16 yards on 3 carries en route to getting thumped by a bad team.
Yes, the Jets have some skilled players (Garrett Wilson, Breece Hall, Sauce Gardner when he plays), but there’s a reason they had four wins coming in and that’s because they aren’t good. To lose to them, even once the hopes of the playoffs had evaporated with Kansas City’s pathetic showing against the Broncos, is embarassing.
At least Huntley can take a little solace in the face that he wasn’t alone, because:
The rest of the team also played poorly
Miami’s running game extended its seemingly perpetual streak of generating negative plays with their playcaller opting to start about 40 drives with a toss play for -6 yards. Coach McDaniel should really look into firing that guy.
I mentioned Huntley had four fumbles. I’ll mention it again because it’s insane. He also threw those two picks. Then, Jonnu Smith decided he’d be a bro and make sure Huntley didn’t feel wholly isolated, so he opted to fumble once as well. That’s a grand total of 4 turnovers and 3 more could-have-beens. I’m gonna drop a Skip Bayless level hot take here and say: that’s bad.
The offensive line was dreadful. De’Von Achane ripped a shoulda-been-touchdown 61 yard run and if you take that aberration away, the run game would have generated 74 yards on 22 carries, which includes -4 yards for Jaylen Wright and -4 yards for Jeff Wilson.
One receiver (the aforementioned fumbling Smith) eclipsed 50 yards (56) and Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle combined for 6 catches and 64 yards.
That’s money well spent.
Defensively, the team allowed Aaron ‘The Enigma (please watch my Netflix show)’ Rodgers to throw his 500th touchdown pass and then 3 more just to make sure he really felt the (Jordan) love.
It was a Very Dolphins Christmas kind of ending to a season. Clinging on to the last vestiges of hope while an injury ravaged band of misfits tries to squeak out one last win so they can reach the playoffs and assure their own destruction one week later.
Even if they had managed to win an extremely winnable game, it wouldn’t have mattered since their previous skill of not winning extremely winnable games this year meant that they also needed the Chiefs’ backups to beat the Broncos in order to advance.
Which is pitiful. Allow me to belabor that point:
They shouldn’t have needed outside help
In Week 9, they lost to the Buffalo Bills by 3 points. That happens, the Bills are a good team. Week 8, they lost to the Arizona Cardinals by 1 point. That happens less. The Cardinals are 8-9. Week 7, they lost to the Indianapolis Colts by 6. That happens just as infrequently. The Colts are also 8-9. And the coup de ville, in Week 4, they lost to the Tennessee Titans 31-12 (!!!). The Titans are picking first in the 2025 draft after finishing the year 3-14.
That’s how you guarantee that you need a bunch of help from things you can’t control.
That’s how you ensure that your last few weeks are nailbiting nonsense.
That’s also, apparently, how you ensure you keep your job as GM or HC.
I’ve said all along that the Dolphins were going to run it back with this group and now Stephen Ross has said as much. Things could always change, but short of something really out of left field, this 8-9 fringe Wildcard team that lost to the Titans is what’s coming back around for 2025.
Now, of course, if Tua is healthy for the games he missed, maybe this is a different story. And you better believe that’ll be the argument from all of the same names and faces who get to stay employed by the team. But with reports that he may not have been able to play had the team reached the playoffs this year, how much stock can anyone really put in him?
If the argument is ‘If Tua was healthy, we’d have made the playoffs’ (or whatever your measure of success is in this hypothetical), but Tua is regularly not healthy, why would the expectation change for next season?
Huntley is clearly (at least currently) a boom or bust guy in this system, so the team couldn’t rely on him to pilot them to wins across 4-6 games in which Tua’s out. And history says Tua will be out. So if the only ‘yeah, but’ is Tua’s health, that seems like a risky premise to bank on.
Whether it makes sense to us or not, however; it’s happening. Nothing left now but the crying. And also the entire offseason, draft talk, contract drama, bong masks, and whatever else can keep us entertained until the team kicks off 2025, ready to crush our hopes the way we’ve all come to cherish so much.
Offseason, ho!
Tyreek Hill said he wants out. The Fins have a bunch of gaudy contracts to finesse. Tua’s injured enough he might have missed a first round playoff game.
That’s my team.
“The front office has a lot of work to do.” — Captain Obvious
Contracts are typically the easiest thing to handle because they’re so littered with obfuscation, clauses, outs, legalese, and loopholes. The cap is imaginary and that’ll get taken care of.
Talent is, weirdly, not that big of a problem, as I see it. The age of the talent is getting to be one, but right now, Miami has skill at a lot of positions.
The biggest problems I see are the front office’s inability to obtain (via draft or free agency) quality players in the middle of the team, i.e. interior o-line, linebackers, and tight ends (Smith notwithstanding), build quality depth throughout the roster, and the (offensive) coaching staff’s inability to leverage the talent they have to best suit their skillsets.
If the same problems persist with the team next season in terms of roster building and lack of production, I have to imagine both Grier and McDaniel go.
But for this offseason and 2025: they’re here to stay. So buckle up, buckaroo, and let’s get to groaning about draft picks.
It’s the Dolphins way.
Are there still other games happening? What should the Fins focus on in the draft? Wanna just go to the Winchester, have a nice cold draft, and wait for this all to blow over? Experience deja vu in the comments below.
