The Cowboys are worse than jury duty
The Dallas Cowboys are down bad. Jerry Jones said they were “all in” this year, instead they’re having possibly their worst season in 20 years. Things are so bad that Brandon Aubrey was given the opportunity to defer his jury duty to the summer and he said no. The 2024 Dallas Cowboys: worse than jury duty.
Or, in the words of Dak Prescott, they “fucking suck.” At least Prescott, who was having probably the worst season of his career, won’t have to participate in it for a while, as he’s likely headed to injured reserve. The end of the Mike McCarthy era will be the same as it started: an injury inflicted double digit loss season.
Mike Zimmer was coaxed out of semi-retirement and probably wishes he wasn’t. Jerry Jones threatened the job security of radio hosts a few weeks ago. Trevon Diggs read a tweet from during the game and confronted the reporter who wrote it—while still in uniform. Ezekiel Elliott was suspended for being late to meetings, no way the suspension happens if he was actually performing. On Sunday the Cowboys had 10 defenders on the field for a play in the red zone, later the offense evened that out with 12 men in the huddle on 4th and 1.
The Cowboys can’t stop anyone, 31st in points per game against. They can’t keep up with anyone, 20th in points per game for. They can’t control the clock to try to win small possession low scoring games, 31st in rushing yards per game and 30th in rushing yards per attempt. Forget about the potential missed opportunity of not signing Derrick Henry, Tony Pollard has more rushing yards and TDs than every Cowboys RB combined. The longest run by a Cowboy so far this season is 22 yards, by Dak Prescott.
Beat the Cowboys in Dallas on Sunday and by the time the second leg in Week 17 comes around, the Cowboys season should be all over but the singing. After the Eagles the Cowboys face the Texans and Commanders, along with the Bengals and Buccaneers.
The Eagles have not swept the Cowboys since, hilariously, the 2011 season, though they have won back to back games against them with the last and then first game in 2013-14, 2016-17, and 2019-20. Since the last Eagles sweep, the Cowboys have swept the Eagles three times: in 2012, 2018, and 2021.
The Eagles should defeat the Cowboys. But merely defeating them isn’t enough. The Eagles need to beat Dallas. Micah Parsons and DaRon Bland may be back for the Cowboys, but without Prescott, and without CeeDee Lamb, their offense is as limp as the Giants offense was when the Eagles embarrassed New York.
Over their four game winning streak the Eagles offense has–once it got started–beaten up bad defenses. The defense has more than held up their end of the bargain against some good offenses. The Cowboys defense stinks. The Cowboys offense stinks. The Cowboys stink. Make them feel it. Kick them when they’re down.
